When one is growing fast and the other is standing still

How we grow together when we’re growing differently

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the seasons we go through in marriage — the ones that feel aligned and easy, and the ones that feel… uneven. In our latest Brutiful Marriage episode, we talked about what happens when one partner is on a growth streak and the other is holding steady. And honestly, that conversation hit home for me in ways I didn’t expect.

Because I’ve lived this. I’ve been the one who’s “up,” full of ideas, motivation, and momentum. And I’ve also been the one who’s steady — not stuck, not failing, just… not moving at the same pace.

Both sides feel vulnerable in their own way.

Growth Doesn’t Always Happen in Sync

One thing I’ve learned is that growth comes in waves. Sometimes I’m riding the high of a new goal or breakthrough, and sometimes I’m catching my breath while my partner is the one leveling up. For a long time, I thought we were supposed to grow at the same speed, like two people running side‑by‑side in perfect rhythm – and that’s quite the feat for me with my three-time Olympic sprinter husband! But marriage isn’t a synchronized race. It’s more like a relay — sometimes I carry the momentum, sometimes he does, and sometimes we’re just passing the baton with grace.

Comparison Is the Real Enemy

When I’m the one holding steady, it’s easy to slip into comparison. “Why am I not doing more?” “Why does he seem so far ahead?” “Am I falling behind?”

But comparison isn’t just the thief of joy. It steals connection. And the truth is, holding steady isn’t the same as being stagnant. Sometimes it’s a season of rest, reflection, or rebuilding — and that’s just as important as the seasons of acceleration.

Communication Keeps Us Connected

What helps us most is talking about it — not in a dramatic, heavy way, but in a real, honest way. When I share what I’m feeling, even if it’s messy or uncertain, it keeps us close. When my hubby shares what he’s excited about, even if I’m not in that same headspace, it helps me celebrate him instead of resenting the difference.

We don’t have to match each other’s pace to stay connected. We just have to stay in conversation.

Support Looks Different in Every Season

When I’m the one growing, support feels like encouragement, space, and cheering me on. When I’m the one holding steady, support looks more like patience, presence, and not being pressured to “catch up.”

And when the roles reverse, we adjust. That’s the beauty of partnership — we get to show up for each other in the ways that matter most in the moment.

We’re Still Moving Forward — Even When It Feels Uneven

What I hope couples take from this episode is that uneven growth isn’t a sign of trouble. It’s a sign of life. It’s a sign that you’re both evolving, just not always at the same time or in the same way.

The goal isn’t to grow in perfect unison. The goal is to grow in the same direction.

And as long as we keep choosing each other — in the highs, the steadies, and everything in between — we’re still moving forward. 

You can watch the full episode here.