Petite? Precious? Please — I’m proven.

The exhaustion of being misread — and the strength of staying grounded 

I am a short and petite, Black, fully grown woman. I’ve been working in corporate America since I was nineteen. I’ve built a career, earned two degrees, raised two kids, loved a husband, kept a dog and most of my plants alive…and I’ve developed the kind of personal resolve you only get from having something to prove — and prove, and prove over and over again.

Like. People still think I’m in high school.

At work, they assume I’m the intern. In meetings, they don’t expect me to be the one leading the room. People younger than me call me “cute” and “adorable” like I’m a Squishmallow® or some gift shop novelty item instead of a whole adult with a résumé longer than their onboarding packet.

It’s wild.

And listen — I love my genes. I thank my parents for them every day. I love that I can walk into a room with the kind of youthful glow people spend money trying to recreate. The adage ain’t untrue. Black don’t crack. But it can bruise.

And the assumptions, the microaggressions, and the moments of blatant disrespect that come with this tiny-pored face of mine take their toll.

My personal mantra is to lead with grace and assume positive intent. But I won’t lie — this? It gets exhausting. My mother always reminds me that I’ll miss these days when my face catches up with my birthdays. It’s kinda like getting carded. When it stops, that means they know you’re grown, LOL!

Now, I’m not talmbout my momma! She’s right. But taking that perspective is a bit shallow, professionally.

So, what do you do when you’re a fierce, fun sized, and fabulous boss who is underestimated before you even place a bid? How do you navigate it?

Well, if you’ve ever been underestimated because of your appearance, your stature, your identity, or anything else people project onto you before they bother to learn your name, these tips keep my head high above water and ahead of what’s next.

1. Correct the assumption without apologizing

When someone mistakes me for the intern or the assistant, I don’t shrink. I don’t over‑explain. I simply say:

“Actually, I’m leading this project.” or “I’ll be facilitating today’s meeting.”

Short. Direct. Neutral. It resets the dynamic without giving away my energy.

2. Redirect comments about your appearance

When someone calls me “cute” or “adorable,” especially in a professional setting, I don’t let it slide. I also don’t escalate it. I redirect:

“Thank you — and professionally, I’d prefer we focus on the work.” or “I appreciate the sentiment, but let’s keep the conversation centered on the project.”

It’s a boundary, not a battle.

3. Let your competence speak — loudly

I don’t waste time convincing people I belong. I show them. I stay prepared and clear, focused on execution. And my work speaks for me – loudly. And what I’ve learned over the course of my career is this: When you consistently deliver, people adjust.

They may not say it out loud, but they learn quickly who they’re dealing with. And that’s a good thing.

4. Build allies who see you clearly

Every workplace has people who get it — people who respect you, advocate for you, and don’t need to be convinced about your capability. I invest in those relationships.

Not because I need validation, but because support systems matter. And because having someone else shut down nonsense before it reaches you is a gift. These people are your platonic work wives and husbands. They’re your lunch buddies, mentors and sponsors. They’re the people who really see you.

5. Don’t internalize other people’s feeble imagination

People will project their biases, their assumptions, and their narrow worldview onto you. That ain’t your burden to carry.

Their inability to recognize your authority doesn’t diminish it. Their surprise at your competence doesn’t make you lesscompetent. Their microaggressions don’t define your identity.

You know who you are. You know what you’ve built. You know what you bring.

Stand on that ten toes down and deeply rooted.

6. Give yourself permission to be tired — and then choose how to respond

Grace is beautiful. Assuming positive intent is noble. But neither means you have to tolerate disrespect or pretend it doesn’t affect you.

Some days, I handle it with humor. Some days, with professionalism. Some days, with a boundary so sharp it could slice through a spreadsheet.

All of those responses are valid.

What matters is that you choose the response that honors you.

7. Your presence is powerful — even when it’s underestimated

Being underestimated can be frustrating, but it can also be a quiet advantage. People don’t see you coming. They don’t expect your brilliance, your leadership, your strategy, your strength.

And when you show up fully — not to prove anything, but simply to be who you already are — the room shifts.

Not because you changed. But because they finally caught up.